#PenultimateSacrifice #SuperlativeExtent
This is a private blog post. And I do "not" expect anyone to be viewing it, more so taking it seriously. I would like to DISCLOSE here my BENEVOLENT MEGALOMANIA. I intend to be so great in terms of helping & doing good & sacrificing. Despite the fact that I do not have money and I do not have networks and I do not have degrees. All of this is perhaps due to my ego! I concede and I admit that I have a HYPER-INFLATED EGO! I am damn egoistic --- and everyone hates me. Don't worry. I hate myself too.
I had long wanted or had long claimed that I wanted "to change the world". What I mean by that is to "affirm the greatest good of the biggest number." I shall do so at incredible lengths. It is an effect of my PASSIVE SUICIDAL IDEATION that I will also sacrifice my life for the world. For if I wanted "to go", I would go in such a way that is relevant! It's just that I have stupid scenarios in my head. Like Scenario A: am gonna shove away someone from a car's collision course in effect killing me instead --- I would be rushed to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) and I will agaw-buhay for like 18-minutes. Thou this is the most "recurring" scenario in my head --- it is, however, the most improbable. I don't really expect this to happen.
I was asking the Zeitgeist and the Creator of the Multiverse a lot to "choose" me for this mission of sacrifice. The candidates are many. But it is me --- broken, neurotic, psychopathic, sociophobic --- who seems to have the most "damage" giving him enough reasons to "apply" for such an act / deed which if performed shall truly be his end. (And hopefully, by then, I would have truly demonstrated to the few people who know me HOW FAR SELF-LESS-NESS WILL GO!)
I had long wanted to become sexy. It's just that: maitim ari ko, may buhok ako sa puwet, payatot ako na bloated ang stomach, dilaw ngipin ko, mabaho utot ko at mukha akong matanda. There goes the song: "it's you and your beautiful soul". But you know what?! KINDNESS ain't sexy. I've tried that at a "genuine" level for over 2 decades! They just see me as the god damn loser who do not have friends but is willing to run chores for them. They see me as that god damn loser who was never kissed, never embraced and never had a girl friend but is willing to be the "scape goat" so that others may have a free cut. AND ALL THE TIME, their impressions are "let the kind guy do it" --- which at their EMOTIVE COMPUTATION is "that loser who always acquiesces". However! I have not totally given my longings to become sexy. My kindness has progressed to a point to become SACRIFICE. The total self-denial, total masochistic acceptance of perishing in favour of another --- and I may not have enough convincing data to say --- but this may actually sound or look SEXY!
It has become my hashtag and battle slogan #PenultimateSacrifice #SuperlativeExtent. And I have the deep resolution that "I shall sacrifice to an extent that will arouse the deepest affection!" And the final "chip in" will be my very life itself.
I had long wanted or had long claimed that I wanted "to change the world". What I mean by that is to "affirm the greatest good of the biggest number." I shall do so at incredible lengths. It is an effect of my PASSIVE SUICIDAL IDEATION that I will also sacrifice my life for the world. For if I wanted "to go", I would go in such a way that is relevant! It's just that I have stupid scenarios in my head. Like Scenario A: am gonna shove away someone from a car's collision course in effect killing me instead --- I would be rushed to the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) and I will agaw-buhay for like 18-minutes. Thou this is the most "recurring" scenario in my head --- it is, however, the most improbable. I don't really expect this to happen.
I was asking the Zeitgeist and the Creator of the Multiverse a lot to "choose" me for this mission of sacrifice. The candidates are many. But it is me --- broken, neurotic, psychopathic, sociophobic --- who seems to have the most "damage" giving him enough reasons to "apply" for such an act / deed which if performed shall truly be his end. (And hopefully, by then, I would have truly demonstrated to the few people who know me HOW FAR SELF-LESS-NESS WILL GO!)
I had long wanted to become sexy. It's just that: maitim ari ko, may buhok ako sa puwet, payatot ako na bloated ang stomach, dilaw ngipin ko, mabaho utot ko at mukha akong matanda. There goes the song: "it's you and your beautiful soul". But you know what?! KINDNESS ain't sexy. I've tried that at a "genuine" level for over 2 decades! They just see me as the god damn loser who do not have friends but is willing to run chores for them. They see me as that god damn loser who was never kissed, never embraced and never had a girl friend but is willing to be the "scape goat" so that others may have a free cut. AND ALL THE TIME, their impressions are "let the kind guy do it" --- which at their EMOTIVE COMPUTATION is "that loser who always acquiesces". However! I have not totally given my longings to become sexy. My kindness has progressed to a point to become SACRIFICE. The total self-denial, total masochistic acceptance of perishing in favour of another --- and I may not have enough convincing data to say --- but this may actually sound or look SEXY!
It has become my hashtag and battle slogan #PenultimateSacrifice #SuperlativeExtent. And I have the deep resolution that "I shall sacrifice to an extent that will arouse the deepest affection!" And the final "chip in" will be my very life itself.
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